"What's in a name? that which we call a rose/ By any other name would smell as sweet".

If you have children, then you are aware of how difficult it is to name them. 

Matthew and I went threw thousands of baby names, books after books, website after website, app after app, literally lists upon lists upon lists.... Nothing stuck. 

So I just tossed in the towel and agreed he could chose her first name and I would the middle names. 

On a random Sunday night, one year ago I get this simple text. 

Let's name her serenity. 

SERENITY?! 

I have to admit I didn't like it at all. 

But he was stuck on it. 

So I repeated her entire name to myself over and over for a few days. 

Serenity Layla hope, 

Serenity Layla hope,

Serenity Layla hope,

I wasn't keen on it. But it was flowy and different. 

The more I said it and told people the more I loved it. 

I googled what her entire name meant,

Serenity means calm

Layla means night 

Hope means a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

For three plus years it had been just me

And anna belle against the world. I had no idea how I was going to handle mom life of two divas. Being completely in control of two lives when I still barely had a grip on mine. It was overwhelming to say the least. But she was my little hope. Just as her sister anna belle had been my saving grace. 

In serenity's passing someone forwarded me the serenity prayer. Everyone knows it. But very few know there's more to it. 

God, grant me the Serenity

To accept the things I cannot change...

Courage to change the things I can,

And Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His will.

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

Serenity's name suddenly took on a new meaning and life for me. Being far from the religious. And most days teetering on the edge of if there even was a god. I am learning to fully trust this plan for my life and this journey I've been thrust into. In reading the entire serenity prayer it was clear to me that she was sent to me to open my eyes, to open the world's eyes. I always said one of my goals was to change the world. And via serenity's short life I now have the power to change a large portion of it. I still miss her beyond words and still have this overwhelming ache in my chest but the pain and weight of the grief has lessened. 

Thank you to all who follow, and will follow me and my sweet family through this journey. 

October 8th.....

Tomorrow marks a very difficult four year angelversary of one very loved and missed angel. 

Jamie Lynn Norman. 

To catch my readers up, Jamie battled cystic fibrosis for 25 years. She beat so many odds and obstacles. She was the most fun, loving, and free spirited person I ever met. 

90% of the time I knew Jamie I could never actually tell she was ill and suffering. 

Her family learned shortly after her birth of her condition, which has no cure. 

Cystic fibrosis is a terrible battle to watch. 

All the while knowing at any point you could watch your loved one slip away, while holding on the the hope that they've made it this far. 

Jamie was very sick when I had anna belle. She did get to meet her once. And it is still one of my most treasured memories. I know without a shadow of doubt the day my precious serenity entered into heaven Jamie was the very first one there to greet her. I can only imagine how wonderful it is there, especially with those two. 

I learned so much about life through watching Jamie live hers and I learned an even greater deal in her death. 

Even now, I have this great appreciation for things I learned because of simply knowing her. 

So I ask all of my blog readers and followers. Please pray and send good vibes to her daughter, family, friends, and all those she touched with her precious life. 💜 

Here is Jamie with little 3 week old anna belle. :)