I get sad, and I feel guilty because i know deep down serenity would want her Mommie happy.
I get happy, and feel guilty for being happy. As if there is a sense of happiness to be found amidst this endless deluge of grief.
So many pregnancies on my facebook.
Not that I'm not happy for them.
But I am so jealous.
Why do they get their child, more than one?
And I don't get to keep my daughter.
More less why didn't I get any answers?
Why isn't she here? She was perfect from head to toe, inside and out, fully baked.
So where is she? Why isn't she in my empty, longing arms?
It's so hard to face the reality that I have given birth to death, and buried a child.
Witnessing all the things I am missing out on. Visiting a grave instead of a cradle.
I'm trying so hard to bring light to her life, that is so quickly shoved to the shadows. In 165 short days, she'll be one. She's almost been gone more days than she was here. And I'm not ready to let go.
I just want to wake up from this endless nightmare.
I'm having a very rough night and been in a really rough patch in my journey lately.
I pray you'll guide us through my sassy diva!
Until then, here's me and my girls at my mama steph's wedding. 💜💜
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