How did we get here?

It's been so long since I wrote.. 

Baby bean is a boy. 

Finally, I am a boy mom. 💙 

However, no sooner than we got the best news of a beautiful baby boy, we also got the devastating news about his condition. 

I have rh- blood. I knew with both girls. I got my scheduled rhogam shots. All was fine and dandy. 

Until March 2,2015. 

When I learned my blood tested positive for 4 antibodies. All which could do harm or potentially kill our son. 

I'm just days away from seeing the specialist and I'm so wrought with emotions. 

We had to cancel serenity's 5k I worked so hard on. The stress of everything going on was just too much for me. And it truly broke my heart. Instead all our loved ones and family gathered around her grave and sent her wishing lanterns. It was a beautiful day for my angel. I miss her so much. 

It's an extremely sensitive place to be at to begin with. Pregnant with new life after giving birth to death. And then to throw on the weight of the world. 

As of now, my doctors only plan is to load us with steroid shots to progress baby bean's growth faster, and deliver early. 

However, I wish that offered some sort of peace within. I'm so terrified. It's so difficult carrying on everyday wondering if this will be his last. If I'll get to meet him. 

I keep wondering how I got to this point in life. Where I turned down this road. 

It seems that everything that could go wrong, has. March 11,2014 changed my course. I never imagined it to be this tough. 

I'm not quite sure I have it in me to lose this baby too. All I want is to be the best mom to my sweet babies.