Give me reason

I used to have this sincere enthusiasm and zealous for pregnant woman. 

And then like a part of me with Serenity, that too died. 

Now I feel nervous, and this growing anticipation and agony for them. Like I want their 40 weeks to fly by and see them holding their babies happy and healthy, as life should be. 

My flawed and narrow minded thinking, always lead me to believe babies only died if they had something wrong with them or the woman was neglectful and did drugs or drank. 

How wrong I was. Serenity didn't have a single thing wrong, head to toe, internally, externally, she was true perfection. 

And yet, she died, before she ever got to actually live. And no reason except, a cord issue. 

And I hate feeling like this. Will I always be a lunatic? Will I always flip flop between angry, sad, depressed, happy, manageing??? 

God I am on my knees begging for some guidance or clarity?! 

I didn't know it was physically possible to feel this broken and live, or love someone you never actually met. :( 

I miss you more as the days drag on. 

I love you more than words or life.