Three days I got with her.
Third month of the year.
I'm still yearning for some meaning to this madness. Some big life lesson. Some fulfilled purpose. Why me. Why her. Why our family. so many questions with little to no answers.
I paint a face on every day to keep people satisfied and at bay. When in the inside i am fighting all these demons.
I get so angry, jealous, upset, happy, confused, all these emotions at the slightest sight of a baby, a car seat, the color purple, seeing a family with two girls, pregnant bellies.. All these reminders of what I am missing.
Today Serenity's 3 months old, and I'm hoping to find comfort in her passing that people will appreciate their own babies more. And low and behold I receive this: 
I cried, prayed, and felt the pang of jealously looking through his sweet pictures, is that how big my girl would be? Smiling? Holding her head up? Laughing? God what I would give to know all these things people overlook and take for granted. Who knows. Maybe I would have too. Lord knows I was terrified to have two children, especially girls. I do however know, if and when the good lord blesses us with another child, hand picked by Serenity herself, I'll appreciate every nanosecond with that child. Including all the miserable days of pregnancy.
Mommy is missing you something fierce baby girl. Sissy misses you too. As well as daddy!
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